When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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