I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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