I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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