just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
