I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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