So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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