I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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