just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're not piercing ourselves today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
