jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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