I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
