East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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