I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
