At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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