Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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