i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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