you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
