Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
