can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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