My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
