I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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