in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
