we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
