my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
