So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
