We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
