Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
