Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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