oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
