Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
