I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
