For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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