do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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