oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
