so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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