He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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