Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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