the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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