His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
