so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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