Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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