It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
