Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.