When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt