hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.