he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage