i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wear drunk well.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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