So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
