i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
