no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
