Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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