How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
