At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
