Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
