I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
