Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
