I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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