Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
