Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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