He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
