Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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