I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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