I can text with my tongue
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
