So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
