just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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